How to Regulate Your Nervous System During Pregnancy & Motherhood

Anna Santini
Feb 5
10 min read

A Practical Intro to Nervous System Support for moms, from newly pregnant all through motherhood.

Welcome!

If you’re here, you could be in the early days of pregnancy or trying to conceive. Or you could be parenting teenagers . Or maybe both 😬

Maybe you’re excited! Maybe you’re a bit overwhelmed. Tired. Stressed. Short-fused.

All of the above.

This guide is a gentle introduction to one of the most essential tools you can carry through pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting: nervous system awareness.

Nervous system regulation is understanding what's happening in your body and brain, and learning how to care for it from the inside out.

Calm is not something you either have or don’t have.

Calm is a skill you can practice.

Why Nervous System Care Matters

Growing a baby is growing a new version of yourself. The part of you who will be the mother. The Mother will show up, over and over, in relationship with someone who is all helplessness and needs. The transformation is so all-encompassing and profound that there is a word for the transition to motherhood: matrescence.

Pregnancy and postpartum are whole being transformations. Not just physically, but also emotionally, mentally, hormonally, and neurologically. These complex shifts affects your brain, your stress response, your sense of safety, and your ability to regulate emotions.

For example, during pregnancy, the brain undergoes significant structural changes including growth in the amygdala, the region involved in emotion, fear, and motivation. Powerful hormonal changes drive these adaptations: progesterone increases to support pregnancy, while cortisol rises to prepare your body for labor and motherhood.

These changes increase a mother’s sensitivity and responsiveness to her baby’s needs. Amazing. And they come with a big side effect of heightened anxiety and reactivity.

This is why nervous system awareness during pregnancy is so supportive. Observing your patterns and using effective tools gives you a compassionate and constructive lens through which to understand the new and different (and sometimes crazy) ways you may feel.

💡 Need-to-Know: The journey of parenthood makes your nervous system more sensitive.

As you transition into parenting, your nervous system becomes intricately attuned to your child's well-being. This heightened sensitivity means that perceived threats to your child can trigger responses in you as if they were direct threats to your own safety. When you have a new baby, your whole being exists to keep them alive and well.

And this change doesn’t stop at infancy. Parenting is like having tentacles from your own nervous system entwined with your child’s world, so that any threat to them registers in your body as if it were happening to you. Your child falling and scraping their knee, or not making the basketball team, or getting rejected by a friend, can actually feel, to the parent’s nervous system, like a life-and-death threat.

Add to that the delightful nuance of the threat your child will pose to your nervous system through direct attack (frequently waking you up, tantrums, yelling at you, calling you names, arguing with you, and more future fun!)

The truth is that you may feel more reactive, more emotional, or more easily overstimulated. All of this is normal.

But it also means your self-regulation strength matters more than ever from now on.

Stress Affects Everything

Chronic stress is potentially the most significant health risk we face. Research has shown us that unmanaged stress contributes to everything from autoimmune disease to mental illness to premature aging.

During pregnancy and postpartum, stress affects not only your well-being but also your baby’s development, as cortisol crosses into the placenta. Breastfeeding, bonding, sleep, recovery, and long-term maternal mental health are also impacted by stress. Nervous system care is a vital part of maternal health.

In addition to the physically toxic effect of long term chronic stress, there is the real phenomenon that the state of our nervous system day to day in a large part determines our quality of life.

You may have heard it said that your thinking brain “goes offline” during fight or flight. When your nervous system is activated, the prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for clear thinking, decision-making, and impulse control) doesn’t function as well. This is because a perceived threat increases activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and danger detector. In response, your body redirects blood flow away from the thinking brain and toward your limbs, to give you fuel to fight or run away from the tiger.

This impairs logical reasoning, self-control, and problem-solving, giving you split second impulsive reactivity. Great when we instantly and reflexively swerve away from a near accident. Not so great when we snap at each other.

💡 Need-to-Know: Our nervous system state determines so much -

How we feel
How we behave
How we think: Our perspective of how the world looks to us

When our nervous system perceives threat (real or imagined), the same environment suddenly appears threatening. A sunny park path becomes shadowed and creepy. In even a low grade survival response state, words and images are literally interpreted through a different lens. The innocent question from your boss or partner becomes loaded and offensive.

Most prenatal prep focuses on baby gear and birth plans. But the real foundation for your experience is your central nervous system. How well you can move between activation and calm determines resilience that is so demanded of us as parents.

Nervous System 101

Your nervous system has two basic modes:

Sympathetic: The "fight or flight" state - fast, reactive, urgent. Wired to help you respond to danger, but often activated by modern life.
Parasympathetic: The "rest and digest" state - slow, steady, restorative. This is where you feel safe, connected, and present.

We shift between these states all day. The goal isn’t to stay calm all the time. It's to move through stress and return to safety more easily.

Completing the Cycle

💡 Need-to-Know: Stress activation is instant. The return to calm is gradual.

This is biology, not a personal shortcoming. Your body is wired to protect you quickly and recover slowly when it perceives cues of safety. Knowing this helps you meet yourself with more patience and less forcing.

When a zebra escapes a lion, it shakes its body to release the stress. Humans? We often hold it in and then perpetuate that stress with our thoughts. We end up dealing with low level, chronic stress that lingers just below the surface, keeping us anxious and on the edge of reactive.

Collapsing on the couch to watch TV at the end of the day feels relaxing, and it can help take the edge off. But it’s often just a diversion for your mind, not a true reset for your nervous system. Many types of media, like news, suspense, violence, or scrolling, can subtly ramp up fight-or-flight responses rather than calm them down.

Completing a stress cycle allows your body to flush out excess stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and return to homeostasis. This process helps reduce inflammation, lower heart rate and blood pressure, re-engage the thinking part of your brain, and support better sleep, digestion, and emotional regulation.

To truly complete a stress cycle, your body needs to receive cues of safety. These cues tell your nervous system it’s safe to let go and return to baseline. Some simple ways that we can provide these cues of safety to ourselves are:

Movement
Breath
Connection

Researchers Emily and Amelia Nagoski, in their book Burnout, emphasize that physical movement is one of the most reliable ways to complete a stress cycle.

The breath is another powerful modulator of state. Our breath is always available, and deeply effective for self-regulation. A long exhale signals to your body that it’s safe to shift back into a rest-and-restore mode.

Connection is also a primary pathway to calm. As mammals, we’re wired for social safety. Cues like eye contact, tone of voice, body language, and affectionate touch all communicate either threat or safety to our animal brains.

Nervous system influences aren’t fixes. They're physiological completions. Small, embodied rituals that help your system truly reset. They remind your nervous system that you are safe now, and ready to return to life with more clarity and capacity.

Remember One Thing

If you remember nothing else, here is the main thing:

Your nervous system runs the show.

AND.

You can influence it.

Your Turn to Practice

Now it’s your turn to take this material and apply it.

We can’t “hack” our nervous system and instantly turn off a stress response right in the stressful moment. The nervous system’s threat detection system is below the level of consciousness. So it’s not under our direct control, nor would we want that job! Thank goodness it’s the “autonomic nervous system” - it automatically handles our heart rate, breathing, blood pressure, & more. It totally keeps us alive without our having to think about it.

The First Move Towards Calm: SIGH

Exhalation corresponds to a slower heart rate and the parasympathetic rest & digest state. In general, any breathing pattern that has a longer exhalation than inhalation can gradually bring calm to the nervous system.

Try this: the Physiological Sigh

Inhale for 2 counts.
At the top of the inhale, take a second swift inhale.
Sigh it out, a long slow sigh.

This pattern happens spontaneously when we are coming down out of a stress response. The technique has been well studied to have the same resettling effect when you do it on purpose.

This tells your body: you’re safe now.

Try this: Rhythmic Breathing

Inhale for 4 seconds.
Exhale for 6 seconds.
Repeat for two minutes.

If the counting feels rigid or forced:

Just focus on a released, lengthened, complete exhale.
Drop or adjust the counting.
- Try in for 5, out for 10.
- Try in for 3, hold for 2, out for 10.

There are so many rhythmic patterns out there to test out for yourself. The main thing is to interrupt physiology directly. Slow the breath. Longer exhales. Repeat for two minutes.

When you take fewer than six total breaths a minute and inhales are longer than exhales, the nervous system automatically downregulates.

Keep practicing even if it doesn’t seem effective on the first try. It is with repeated use that breathing can be a go to reliable way to influence your nervous system.

How to Use Nervous System Regulation in Real Life

You need to be able to P A U S E in the moment and compose yourself before snapping at your partner or child. A question I love is “Am I regulating my state? Or is my state regulating me?”

Pausing to breathe might seem super basic, duh. But it is not our default mode. It is a skill that needs to be practiced.

Are you actively practicing this skill?

The smallest pauses are often the most powerful, because they can be done in the present moment. While we can’t override the stress response, we can nudge ourselves towards calm and slower reactions. With practice, self regulation becomes a habit as the normal stressors of life arise.

Your Dual Approach Strategy

In summary, the two strategic ways to start using nervous system regulation are both 1. as-needed, and 2. proactively.

1. Notice in the moment when you’re getting tight, tense, or stressed. Pause.
- Take a physiological sigh. (You can do this imperceptibly in any public or active setting, even in a one on one conversation.)
- Following the sigh, use rhythmic breathing with extended exhales to steady yourself.
2. At the end of the day: Complete the stress cycle
- Shake it out - dance to music, or just shake your hands/feet/whole body for ~60 seconds.
- Go for a walk.
- Hug a friend or partner.
- Laughter is a nervous system cue of safety. If you’re going to watch something, watch something that makes you laugh!

These seemingly small steps help your nervous system return to safety, and over time retrain your system to smoother self regulation.

Journal

💡 Journaling is one of the best ways to build awareness. There are no right answers. Let there only be honest answers. Understanding your nervous system and its patterns helps grow awareness and befriend your nervous system.

What are some signs that I’m activated or on edge?
Where do I feel tension most often in my body?
Can I remember a time that I lost my cool, and acted in ways I regretted while in a fight or flight state?
What ways have I used in my life to help calm down or return to myself?
What external conditions (i.e. lighting, people, sounds, smells) help me feel most grounded and supported?
What does “safety” feel like in my body?

Pregnant, and Want More Regulation?

You’re on your way to more calm. There are gentle, practical ways to keep supporting your nervous system — and I can’t wait to share them with you!

There are other foundational skills for the inner work of parenting that I teach including: self-compassion, intention, and resilience.

The Motherflow Pregnancy Journal is a 40-week email journal designed to support the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual journey of pregnancy.

Each week, you receive:

A letter synced with your pregnancy week with mom-to-mom sharing and practical guidance to support the birth and postpartum period.
Prompts to journaling for clarity and well-being as you grow towards welcoming your new baby.
Simple skill-building practices to prepare your mind and body to rise to the challenge of parenting.

Be well mama, you are growing into the parent you want to be.

Learn More About Motherflow Here

References

Wikipedia: Physiological Changes in Pregnancy

Bose, Priyam (2023): Pregnancy's profound impact: How motherhood reshapes the female brain. News-Medical.nethttps://www.news-medical.net/news/20230430/Pregnancys-profound-impact-How-motherhood-reshapes-the-female-brain.aspx

Goodman, J. H., Guarino, A. J., Chenausky, K., Klein, L., Prager, J., Petersen, R., & Freeman, M. (2014). CALM Pregnancy: Results of a pilot study of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for perinatal anxiety. Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 17(5), 373–387. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4107206/

Hoekzema, E., Barba-Müller, E., Pozzobon, C., et al. (2017): Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure. Nature Neuroscience, 20, 287–296.https://www.nature.com/articles/nn.4458

Scientific American: How Pregnancy Changes the Brain (2024)https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pregnancy-and-childbirth-reshape-the-brain-in-profound-sometimes-lasting/

Kral, T.R.A., et al. (2018). Impact of short-term mindfulness training on amygdala reactivity to emotional stimuli. NeuroImage, 181, 301–313.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29990584/

Huberman, A. D., Spiegel, D., Yilmaz Balban, M., et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(3), Article 100895.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666379122004748?via%3Dihub

Leggett, H. (2023, February 9). ‘Cyclic sighing’ can help breathe away anxiety, study finds. Stanford Medicine News Center. https://med.stanford.edu/news/insights/2023/02/cyclic-sighing-can-help-breathe-away-anxiety.html

Porges, S.W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W.W. Norton.https://a.co/d/3AFYYKk

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.https://www.amazon.com/Burnout-Secret-Unlocking-Stress-Cycle/dp/198481706X

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Stress: The Basics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress

Davis, E.P., & Narayan, A.J. (2020). Pregnancy as a period of risk, adaptation, and resilience for mothers and infants. Development and Psychopathology, 32(5), 1625–1639.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33427164/