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What if Self Trust Isn't About Getting it Right?
- Anna Santini
- May 15, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 20
Do you ever find yourself wondering: What if I'm not ready to have a baby? How will I know what to do?
Here's the truth — becoming a mother is the biggest change of most women's lives.
There’s the 24/7 responsibility of keeping a tiny human alive, the identity shift that turns you inside out, and the hormonal/emotional waves that scramble you.
And that is before you even factor in the cultural pressure to “do it right.”
So if you find yourself second-guessing, spiraling in anxiety, or Googling every little thing — there's nothing wrong with you. In truth, you're normal. This is what it often feels like when becoming a mother.
In school or work, there is clear feedback. You have test scores or performance metrics to let you know how you're doing.
Not so in parenting. Just subjective nuance. Are we doing a good job? The only clear feedback I can see is that of keeping your child alive. And many days, at the end of the day, this has to become adequate measure of success.
So it makes sense that self-doubt is a completely normal part of the transition. It’s your brain’s way of trying to find ground in something brand new. The struggle is real, AND it's an unavoidable step on the journey.
In pregnancy, there may be a lot we don't know, like:
what medical provider to choose,
what birthing class to take.
what to eat,
how to move
How to sleep.
.... etc...
And then the baby comes, and there's a whole lot more we didn't know. You might not know
how to communicate well with your partner or
make parenting decisions together.
What if self-trust isn’t about making perfect decisions, but about having the capacity to grow?
What if there's no such thing as getting it "right" anyway?
Feeling like you don't know what you're doing is actually a good sign.
I'd love for you to reframe "Not knowing" as part of the path, not a sign you’re doing it wrong.
Not knowing means you’re being honest. It means you’re paying attention. And you care deeply. And you're learning and growing.
Not knowing isn’t failure — It’s reality. It’s a natural part of crossing into something new. Every mother is learning as she goes. The very act of wondering, of questioning, of wanting to get it right… that’s proof that you’re already showing up.
You really won't know what to do. And that's OK.
There’s no amount of preparation that can short-circuit the struggle phase of becoming a mother, because that's part of the process. The butterfly literally cannot fly if it doesn't develop the strength in its wings by struggling to get out of its cocoon. In the same way, your own transformation — known as matrescence — has to unfold gradually, and in your own unique way.
What you can do — build your inner and outer resources.
That’s what journaling and mind-body practices are all about. They help you meet yourself exactly where you are, and show up to the best of your ability.
✶ Invitation to Journal:
Reflect on self-trust.
If it feels right to you, grab a notebook and draw a simple scale from 1 to 10. (1 = no trust, 10 = complete trust in yourself)
Ask yourself:
Where do I fall today, honestly?
What would it take to move up just one point on that scale? Would it mean listening to myself more? Following my intuition? Respecting my feelings? Believing I am capable enough?
Finish this sentence in your journal: “I can trust myself because…”
Be well, and be you,
~Anna
P.S. There’s no such thing as getting it right.
There are simple yet powerful ways you can feel supported on the journey to motherhood.
